boredness

I'm bored...bored and tired...
and freaked out
had my stitches removed, all is healing well cept my belly button...which is gross and just, not my belly button anymore..

I'm tired, I NEED to go for a walk, on my own, just to be on my own without people walking in my room all the time 4 a chat when im doing something or when im on my phone or when i just want some alone time!!
and they dont understand....

i love my family but i miss my friends soooo sooo sooo badly....it really does quite suck really....

sooo another bad and strange day....

Ok so i woke up this morning, and i realised im really not having the time of my life atm...

I duno what else to say really....
I wish things were different really, I'm happy cos my operation went really well and it was really worth it, i just dont have the patience to sit here n do nothing except recover

I want to get dressed in my favourite clothes and do my hair and make up and put on my wellingtons and go splash in puddles...

i dunno i just want OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

I dunno, i wasnt meant to be locked up inside like a caged bird cos im...not....

its not so bad, i get to go out tommorw....to get my stitches removed.....
oh yay.... (that was sarcasm)

and i dont want to be upset cos i am deep down really happy cos im better, just recovering from the op...but i cant be happy when i feel like everythings on hold....

and i just want to cuddle up and stay in bed and watch the sun go across the sky

Post-op.....

So, I had my operation last thursday.....and thing are really strange/crap/long/upsetting since...

It was pretty painful...still is...I'm abit tender and bruised...and I feel so lonely and isolated cos I cant go out and my favourite people in the whole entire universe are either abroad or are in a house with ill people and babies....and I miss them....and it hurts....

yer, I've just had a really bad day....

I've never really been a big fan of christmas anyway, well ever since I was about 13 which is a long time....
there have always been bad things happen around christmas and this year I can do anything....
I couldnt even finish my christmas dinner 'eat little but often' and now ive got lumps and bumps growing inside me!!! (thats sounds sooooooo wrong and...just strange.....)

So yer....but I'm still trying to be optimistic....but I did break down earlier, went 4 a walk and its a complicated and upsetting and everything just seems crappy...........

BLA!

I just wish it was next week cos at least....yer...next week will just hopefully be alot better....

i knew things were too good to be true

its annoying, cos i got my new job, and i was supposed2 b going into hospital 4 surgery tommorw and all was looking up...then i got a phone call from the hospital saying there was an patient who needed my slot on thurs so mines been cancelled til nxt thursday which means....ill be in hospital over christmas!! :(

and i havent had my contract sent by my new job
and ive handed in my notice, but cos im not in hospital til nxt week ive got a full week of annoyance from my manager.....yay
(bastard)

and also, i dont know if im gunna be well enough2 start my new job on the set date as ive lost a week of recovery cos im going into hospital later than anticipated...

so all in all im annoyed...and i always say it, things r too good to be true n then something really bad happens...so all in all its gunna be a crap christmas, all i wanted was to be able to eat a good ol' roast dinner on christmas day...now ill be eating hospital food if i can eat at all..... great isnt it....

wow.....im happy but so so scared...

so i didnt get the job i went for at first...someone else had to have less training than me and she got offered the job. but i mustve been second choice cos i got a call on thursday from the recruitment agency saying the company i applied2 work for had been in contact and that the person that they offered the job to has declined!!! soooooo...................they were offering me the job!!! :D :D :D

omg i was soooo happy i nearly cried, i was pacing and jumping and smiling like id never smiled before!!

so all is happy happy until i told my manager yesterday that i was leaving....now my manager is a funny chap...not in the haha sense....hes strange and he was demanding reasons and wanting to know where ill be working etcetc
then he does his usual when something goods happening in my life hes completely pessimistics and tells me this and this and this is definately gunna go wrong...and my lifes guna suck and im guna kill myself kinda overreacting sadness....so yer, i was mad....cos, well no1 hes 54!! he knows that if u get a job offer thats better pay and a nicer environment, YOUR GUNNA GO!!!

and he was all, but ur guna be wrking further away from home, your place of work is practically on ur doorstep and ive wanted that all my life etc etc etc.... and i was sitting there thinking....wait a minute....wait a minute....last time i checked thats not what IVE wanted all my life!!! I dont care where i work as long as its reasonable to get too and im HAPPY!! cos..well, thats wat i want in my life and last time i checked hes my manager not the boss of everything i do!!!"

SO yer, i cant wait til i get outta that hellhole!!! I NEED OUT!
im just worth so much more than that, not just the pay, i need a nicer environment, and where im gunna wrk seems it (anywhere will seem it seeing as where i work is SHITE and gloomy and old fashioned in a sense that no ones redecorated in 18 years!!!!!!

so yer, and when i told my manager i was like, doesnt mean im leaving right now, and that once ive recovered after my op early jan ill come bk in before i start my new job n he was like, well i dnt think the directors will want you to....so there was me thinking well Fuck You! there was me being all nice when i really really REALLY didnt have to!!

so yer!

so then theres my operation thats coming up on thursday...im so scared i really dont know what to do with myself! ive wrapped all my xmas pressies and catagorised them so ppl kno whats going where just in case something happens and im distributing private/inscriminating items i own to certain very trusted friends of mine just incase something happens and i REALLY dont want my family to see them.

I seriously think writing a will is kinda overdoing it plus i think it would be quite a bad omen....so i might not.... :s

so yer.......................................