I actually just cant help it. Feeling so many emotions
felling the loss, feeling angry, hateful, just sad, panicky, anxious, scared, fed up, happy, irritated....
I just completely feel like sometimes im loosing the will to live...like today...its all just built up on top of me. the past couple of days seem like ive been in an emotional rollercoaster, and i cant help it. nothings happened to make me feel like it, its just i cant help thinking, and im thinking bout how angry i am, im thinking bout how i wish it wasnt him who died, i wish it was someone who really deserve it....and i dont wanna think like this anymore, and i dont wanna feel completely lost everyday, but i do....and i want so much more in life. i want the happy...and i get the happy when im with those few people i can just sit with, and not say a thing, cos they know that if i wanted to share it i would...and sometimes i do, but sometimes i just cant...and this weekend i just havent been able to...so ive drank....
and got angry and got upset and cried and today i just cant seem to get this lump outta my throat and these tears wont stop falling...
cos im thinking about how i want more then these bad feelings.
i dont wanna think about how those terrible people who have badly affected my life are walking around and living and ruining other peoples lives, being selfish bastards....and one of the few people ive ever met on this earth has gone....just gone...and i never said goodbye....only see ya later.... it just breaks me
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